Already Gone
by ValerieJoyKelly
Summary: She wasn't the person I knew before. I could see it through my misery. Everyone changed over time but she was the one person I never thought would. Oneshot.


**I was recently... inspired to write this. So, I hope you like it. The writing isn't my best but.. read and review.**

The moon cast a thin strip of white light across the darkness; a muffled howl was audible in the distance, echoing around the treetops of the forest below. It was a chilly night, far too chilly to be spent lurking up in the Astronomy tower.

But I needed to think.

I tucked a loose strand of scarlet hair behind my ear and shivered, feeling another wave of clamminess wash over me. Wrapping my dressing gown tighter around my body, I let myself slowly slide to the floor.

The Astronomy tower was my place of solace; the place I went to when I needed to clear my head. I'd been going up there a lot lately. I guess things have been rough for me these past couple of weeks. In the tower, I could forget about it all.

Or mull it over. Whichever I felt like.

Though at this point, I was pretty much in a constant state of depression. Me and one of my best friends weren't speaking very much at all recently. I was lucky if I got a 'hello'. Susan was the one person I could always count on to call me over and chat with me about pointless things, when certain other people were ignoring me for some reason or other. It was a frequent occurence. She was my rock. And now we hardly talked.

Just perfect.

_Clunk_. _Clunk_. _Clunk_. _Clunk_.

I froze. I could hear footsteps carefully tredding their way up the stairs to the tower. They were light and stealthy, like a cat, but in the silence of the night, my ears picked up the intruding noise clearly. I scrambled up, a little too hastily, and banged my head against the wall with a loud thud.

"Shit!" I pressed my lips together, internally cursing my own clumsiness. Gingerly massaging the back of my head, I stood there as the footsteps drew perceptively nearer.

"Oh!"

I looked up, a readymade explaination for my presence already on the tip of my tongue. It shrivelled up instantly. Susan stood in the entrance to the staircase. Her hair was pulled back into its normal loose ponytail and she was quaking slightly in the sudden cold, despite her own thick dressing gown. She looked startled to see me.

"Hello." I mumbled, awkwardly.

"Hello." Susan replied, after a brief pause. "Sorry, I didn't know anyone was up here. I'll go somewhere else." Avoiding my eye, she turned to climb back through the door she had come in.

"Wait, Susan." I took a deep breath. Now was as good a time as any; I had to ask her. "Are we friends?"

There was a pause that could have been no more than 3 seconds but seemed like hours, in my anticipation. Eventually, Susan exhaled loudly, like she'd been expecting this for a while. "I'm not so sure anymore, Lily."

In that moment, I felt like a particularly hard brick had whacked me in the face, but I swallowed and spoke steadily. "I see."

"I mean, we hardly ever hang out these days and I don't know what happened but it's not working anymore." Every word was like another brick, heavier than the last. "I'm not sure if this makes me a good person but I won't lie."

I swallowed again. At this point, a painful lump had formed in my throat. "Well. I don't want you to lie, Susan." I paused, hating how shaky and broken my voice sounded. "I just want to know what went wrong."

Susan seemed to have abandoned hopes of leaving the tower anytime soon. After a moment of hesitation, she walked across the floor and sat down with a heavy plop beside me. "I want to say that nothing went wrong, Lily. That we simply drifted. People change. That's what happened."

I couldn't bring myself to look at her. Through the corner of my eye, she was outwardly calm, like a grown up explaining death to a toddler. I was in pieces, inside and out. If she was in the same turmoil, which I highly doubted, she was doing a far better job of hiding it.

"I... " My eyes were stinging with the effort of holding in about a week's worth of tears. "I don't want to lose you, Susan."

"Look, Lily, noone has to 'lose' anyone, but it's just not working right now." Susan replied, matter-of-factly. "I've tried my best and I'm sure you have too. If we carry on like this, we'll both be hurt."

_It's a little late for that_, I thought. A tear leaked from the corner of my eye and trickled down my cheek.

"Do you think it'll ever work again?" My voice came out as a whisper, hoarse like I'd just woken up from a 24 hour sleep.

Susan looked at me properly. She smiled, sadly. "I don't know, Lily."

Another tear rolled down my cheek. My fringe chose this moment to fall over my face and I silently thanked it. I didn't know if she could see how much this was affecting me but at this point, I was too absorbed by fear to think of anything else. I was losing one of my oldest and best friends.

_No_, _no_, _no_, _this can't be happening_.

I lightly grazed my cheek with my knuckle, and found it was wet with tears. I bent my head further forwards, still wracked with noiseless sobs, desperately trying to force them back in.

"Lily." I gave a small start as her hand touched my shoulder. She whipped it back with a sharp inhale. "I'm sorry this is hard for you, I really am. But any fool can see we're not as close as we were. Maybe we should accept that."

_Oh_,_ God_.

I felt a fresh bout of tears springing to my eyes but I gritted my teeth to hold them, and raised my head to look at her. Just the sight of her face was enough to drive the dagger even deeper. "Maybe."

She wasn't the person I knew before. I could see that through my misery. Everyone changed over time but she was the one person I never thought would.

"I'm going to go to bed now, Lily." Her voice wrenched me once more from my numb thoughts.

I nodded weakly, as she stood up and made for the open door, making no effort to get up myself. I had a feeling I wouldn't be leaving this tower for a large portion of the night. "Goodnight, Susan."

She was already gone.


End file.
